Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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