My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
