bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
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During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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