Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
