worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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