note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
