I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
