I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
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I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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