Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dignity is for republicans.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
