Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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