The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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