U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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