guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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