We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
