It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
