you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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