just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
