great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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