Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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