why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Are we still banned from the library?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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