I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
