Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
