the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
