i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
