My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
