So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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