if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
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She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
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I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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