So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
