we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
