piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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