who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
