every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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