i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
