Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I woke up under a house in Key West
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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