My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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