Please, let me fuck your mom
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
