Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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