The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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