Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
