I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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