its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
