Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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