i just wanna soil my oats bro
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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