If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
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I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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