i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize