good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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