at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
