ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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