Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
