Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
ugly people sure do ruin things
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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