It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
