Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
