I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
