I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
