Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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