dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the day after is always just damage control
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
