Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
