the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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