He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
