i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
