I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
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I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
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I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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