ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Randomize
