I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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