Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
