so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
