i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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