Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
only you would photoshop your dick
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
