He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
