I will die if light touches me.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
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being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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