There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
