my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize