Can Purell be used as lube?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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