matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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