well you can't waste a boner
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
