You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
