I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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