Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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