Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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