I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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